Post by Ellie on Jun 1, 2004 6:46:14 GMT
sigh.
Of Cats and Teachers
An Absurdist Play in one act
by Danielle Rettich
Characters
Sandy
Ravine
A Cat
Two bedrooms are separated by a wall. Each bedroom has a door in the back. In the bedroom on the left, two girls sit on the bed staring at each other, one at the head of the bed and one at the foot. The girl at the head of the bed has a cat on her lap.
Sandy: (stroking cat) That was interesting, today.
Ravine: (watching cat) What was?
S: Don’t you remember?
R: Dunno.
S: Yeah, I’m sure I saw you.
R: Are you?
S: (short silence) Maybe not.
R: (abruptly) I love cats.
S: I’m pretty sure I saw you there.
(looks up at S) At the pet store?
S: No, at school. Remember?
R: But there’s no cats at school.
S: Yeah, but you were there. You had to be. It was our class.
R: I was sick.
S: Why, to go to the pet store?
R: They don’t let sick people in pet stores.
S: Were you sick?
R: No, not really.
S: Then you were skipping.
R: I guess I was, looking at it that way.
S: You shouldn’t, you know. Mrs. Brayton is very strict.
R: Can I hold the cat?
S: She doesn’t like you.
R: The cat?
S: No, the teacher.
R: Oh, that’s alright then. (reaches for cat. Unable to reach across bed. Gives up.) Pass her over here.
S: She likes me better.
R: The cat?
S: No, the teacher. She said so.
R: Ah. (silence) She makes us do a lot of work.
S: Cats tend to do that.
R: Cat’s don’t teach.
S: I didn’t say they did.
R: Oh. (silence) Can I have her now?
S: You do. But just till the end of term.
R: I don’t. You’re petting her.
S: You only say that cuz I finish assignments on time.
R: Cats don’t give assignments.
S: You’re right, they don’t.
R: Funny, that. (silence)
S: I really thought you were there.
R: I was.
S: Ah, good! Then you remember what happened.
R: I don’t.
S: Well, I’m not going to tell you if you forget on purpose.
R: It’s not that I forget on purpose... My memory sucks.
S: She’d like you better if you handed stuff in on time.
R: But how can I when I skip?
S: Exactly! You shouldn’t.
R: She should be more precise in her instructions.
S: She’s very precise.
R: Perhaps I could remember it then...
S: You have a bad memory.
R: Yeah... bugs me, when I remember it. May I have her? (points to cat)
S: (hands cat over) It’s almost time for you to go home.
R: Yeah. (silence) Do you think she’ll be angry?
S: Cats usually aren’t.
R: But cats don’t keep attendance.
S: ‘Course not. I didn’t say that.
R: See! There you go again.
S: Where?
R: Somewhere.
S: Ah. (silence) Is it a good place?
R: Dunno. I never really follow.
S: Too bad.
R: Yup.
S: (long silence) It’s late.
R: Or early, depending which side you look at.
S: Ah.
R: Did she give homework?
S: Cats don’t give homework.
R: Yes, but teachers sometimes do.
S: That sucks.
R: Will you answer my question?
S: I don’t remember.
R: That’s my job!
S: I forgot.
R: You shouldn’t have.
S: Why not?
R: You’re usually good at remembering assignments.
S: I never forget them.
R: Only this time?
S: What assignment?
R: Exactly!
S: Ah. (silence)
R: Is it too early for me to go home, do you think?
S: Which side are you looking at?
R: The middle.
S: Yes.
R: (looks worried) The left side, then.
S: No.
R: (looks relieved) Well, I best be going, then.
S: If you must.
R: I must.
(Long silence. R continues to pet cat. S falls asleep. Cat leaves. S wakes up.)
S: Oh, good, you’re still here.
R: I was just leaving.
S: Oh. Well, don’t let me stop you, then. (R exits. S falls back asleep. R enters other room, lies down on bed, and falls asleep. Both girls’ alarms ring a few minutes later. They turn them off, stand, stretch, and stagger out the door.)
(curtain)
Of Cats and Teachers
An Absurdist Play in one act
by Danielle Rettich
Characters
Sandy
Ravine
A Cat
Two bedrooms are separated by a wall. Each bedroom has a door in the back. In the bedroom on the left, two girls sit on the bed staring at each other, one at the head of the bed and one at the foot. The girl at the head of the bed has a cat on her lap.
Sandy: (stroking cat) That was interesting, today.
Ravine: (watching cat) What was?
S: Don’t you remember?
R: Dunno.
S: Yeah, I’m sure I saw you.
R: Are you?
S: (short silence) Maybe not.
R: (abruptly) I love cats.
S: I’m pretty sure I saw you there.
(looks up at S) At the pet store?
S: No, at school. Remember?
R: But there’s no cats at school.
S: Yeah, but you were there. You had to be. It was our class.
R: I was sick.
S: Why, to go to the pet store?
R: They don’t let sick people in pet stores.
S: Were you sick?
R: No, not really.
S: Then you were skipping.
R: I guess I was, looking at it that way.
S: You shouldn’t, you know. Mrs. Brayton is very strict.
R: Can I hold the cat?
S: She doesn’t like you.
R: The cat?
S: No, the teacher.
R: Oh, that’s alright then. (reaches for cat. Unable to reach across bed. Gives up.) Pass her over here.
S: She likes me better.
R: The cat?
S: No, the teacher. She said so.
R: Ah. (silence) She makes us do a lot of work.
S: Cats tend to do that.
R: Cat’s don’t teach.
S: I didn’t say they did.
R: Oh. (silence) Can I have her now?
S: You do. But just till the end of term.
R: I don’t. You’re petting her.
S: You only say that cuz I finish assignments on time.
R: Cats don’t give assignments.
S: You’re right, they don’t.
R: Funny, that. (silence)
S: I really thought you were there.
R: I was.
S: Ah, good! Then you remember what happened.
R: I don’t.
S: Well, I’m not going to tell you if you forget on purpose.
R: It’s not that I forget on purpose... My memory sucks.
S: She’d like you better if you handed stuff in on time.
R: But how can I when I skip?
S: Exactly! You shouldn’t.
R: She should be more precise in her instructions.
S: She’s very precise.
R: Perhaps I could remember it then...
S: You have a bad memory.
R: Yeah... bugs me, when I remember it. May I have her? (points to cat)
S: (hands cat over) It’s almost time for you to go home.
R: Yeah. (silence) Do you think she’ll be angry?
S: Cats usually aren’t.
R: But cats don’t keep attendance.
S: ‘Course not. I didn’t say that.
R: See! There you go again.
S: Where?
R: Somewhere.
S: Ah. (silence) Is it a good place?
R: Dunno. I never really follow.
S: Too bad.
R: Yup.
S: (long silence) It’s late.
R: Or early, depending which side you look at.
S: Ah.
R: Did she give homework?
S: Cats don’t give homework.
R: Yes, but teachers sometimes do.
S: That sucks.
R: Will you answer my question?
S: I don’t remember.
R: That’s my job!
S: I forgot.
R: You shouldn’t have.
S: Why not?
R: You’re usually good at remembering assignments.
S: I never forget them.
R: Only this time?
S: What assignment?
R: Exactly!
S: Ah. (silence)
R: Is it too early for me to go home, do you think?
S: Which side are you looking at?
R: The middle.
S: Yes.
R: (looks worried) The left side, then.
S: No.
R: (looks relieved) Well, I best be going, then.
S: If you must.
R: I must.
(Long silence. R continues to pet cat. S falls asleep. Cat leaves. S wakes up.)
S: Oh, good, you’re still here.
R: I was just leaving.
S: Oh. Well, don’t let me stop you, then. (R exits. S falls back asleep. R enters other room, lies down on bed, and falls asleep. Both girls’ alarms ring a few minutes later. They turn them off, stand, stretch, and stagger out the door.)
(curtain)